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Whoa, This is One Exciting New Airline

By Joe Veix


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Photo Courtesy of Happy Jet. 


Happy Jet is going to be a game-changer.

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Happy Jet is proud to introduce the newest addition to our fleet, the A666 Sky Wagon. It truly is the plane of the future, stripped of anything that would provide our loyal customers with dignity. Quite simply, it is the Greyhound bus of the sky.

Want roomy seats? We heard you loud and clear, and then did exact the opposite. Our engineers made our seats smaller, and replaced the cushion with a painful hard plastic. Then, they designed a configuration that defies human imagination. That’s right: Every seat is a middle seat.

Enjoy our bright new cabin, as we eliminated all window shades. Even with your eyes closed tightly, you’ll still be blinded by the intense light, as if you were sitting on the surface of the sun. Should you need some fresh air, feel free to turn on the air vents, which pump a refreshing stream of noxious fumes.

For those who indulge in “electronic mail,” Wi-Fi is now available on all flights, running on a high-speed dial-up connection. Relive the fun of trying to download a Counting Crows Mp3's on Napster in the late ‘90s using an AOL account. Rates start at a low $50 per second. (Available only to passengers who have paid an extra $700 to upgrade to Comfort Super Economy Eagle Class.)

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Like turbulence? We’ve got more where that came from! To further cut corners, we’ve instructed our pilots to fly directly through the center of any major storms. Can our planes, which were assembled using recycle aluminum cans and Elmer's glue, withstand hurricane-force winds? We don’t know. What we do know is that on board the Sky Wagon, every drink is shaken, not stirred.

Looking for in-flight entertainment? We are proud to offer screens on the backs of every seat, and a selection of two movies: A VHS of Tyler Perry’s Madea Goes to Jail and an ominous strobing light.

We are currently serving Newark, New Jersey, with nonstop flights to beautiful Newark, New Jersey. (With plans to expand to JFK).

For your next trip, fly with Happy Jet. And because we’re the only airline flying where you need to go at a time and price you can afford, it’s not like you really have a choice anyway.

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