Family travel can be daunting for some of the most intrepid solo travelers. Exploring the world with a neurodiverse family comprising both neurodivergent and neurotypical kids can be even more challenging.
Really, the struggles are all about the newness: Unrecognizable food, unpredictable environments, unmanageable sounds, unfamiliar sleeping environments, different smells, and jet lag can be disturbing to someone with autism, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), or another form of neurodivergence. Behavioral issues related to these emotional meltdowns can grind a vacation to a halt.
This reality prompts many neurodiverse families to stay home. In a 2019 survey, the International Board of Credentialing and Continuing Education Standards, a nonprofit devoted to raising autism awareness and acceptance, asked 1,000 parents with at least one autistic child for their input about travel, and 87 percent said they do not currently take family vacations because it’s too difficult.
In the same survey, 93 percent of respondents said they would be more likely to travel if autism-certified options were available, and 97 percent said they are not satisfied with current travel options for families with autistic individuals.
Neurodiverse family travel doesn’t have to be so daunting. I’m the single parent of a family with mixed neurotypes: my oldest daughter, who is 15, is autistic; my two other daughters, ages 13 and 9, are not. After a decade of family travel with them, I’ve learned some valuable tricks.
1. Don’t leave home without the headphones, fidgets, and other self-soothers
Neurodivergent kids crave control of their environment—not always an option when you’re traveling to new places. One way to make this easier is to travel with tools to help kids stay regulated. My autistic child, Sage, swears by her bedazzled noise-canceling headphones. She dons them in cities and theme parks and whenever she feels environments are too loud. She wore them all over Legoland California during a visit earlier this summer.
It’s also a good idea to bring fidgets and other items that might help soothe kids with sensory issues. For some families, this might be a formal “Sensory Bag” of tools to help kiddos self-soothe. For other families, it can be an amalgamation of a child’s preferred items. Sage usually stocks her mini backpack with fidget snakes, origami, and string for making friendship bracelets—three tools that help her stay regulated when the environment around her can be triggering. She also often carries a pad and a pen for doodling, which can help her process sensory overload in a pinch.
Finally—as silly as this might sound—parents of neurodivergent kids may want to tote a Ziploc full of random stuff. When Sage was a toddler, for instance, before her formal diagnosis, she was terrified of automatic toilets, so I always carried a pad of Post-it notes to blind the toilet system’s electric eyes and guarantee her a quiet trip to the women’s room. The trick worked like a charm.
2. Pack familiar snacks
Many children with sensory issues turn to food to regulate their nervous system. This means it’s important to travel with snacks that can help neurodivergent kids stay calm. I always pack my carry-on with 12 to 16 hours’ worth of snacks: granola bars, fruit leathers, trail mix and, of course, some form of chocolate. Sage also must have her Pepperidge Farm cheddar goldfish—she says the crunch is a sensory soother for her—and I’m obsessive about having those little crackers whenever we leave the house (even in the car).
Recognizing the value of snacks for my neurodivergent kid also often means buying extra food when we’re out and about. On a 2019 trip to the National Gallery of Art in Washington, D.C., after I saw that Sage liked the red grapes they were selling in the cafeteria, I bought two or three extra packages to tote around for the rest of the day. Every time she asked for a grape, I delivered it. The grapes helped her manage boredom, and we were able to stay at the museum for nearly three hours.
I also like to reward patience and kindness with special treats. On one of our trips to Las Vegas, after everyone behaved on our ride in the gondolas at the Venetian, we indulged in giant ice cream shakes from Black Tap. Was I crazy about giving my kids all that sugar? No. Did the promise of sugar serve as an incentive for them to behave in the queue for the boats? Absolutely, yes.
3. Protect physical space
At home, my neurodivergent child has her own bedroom. When we travel, I always try to book accommodations that preserve and protect her space. I recognize this is a tall order, especially when we’re traveling internationally or to destinations in the United States where square footage comes at a premium. Nevertheless, I’ve learned that spending more money for larger accommodations generally makes everyone’s travel experience more relaxed and enjoyable.
The easiest way to fulfill this objective is to book vacation rentals. I prefer rentals with three bedrooms. That configuration guarantees Sage her own room that she can set up however makes her comfortable. (To be honest, it’s mostly about device-charger management.) If the only options are two-bedroom rentals, and she and her middle sister must share a space, I try to make sure each girl has her own bed. The youngest daughter is still young enough to crash with me.
When we must book hotel rooms, I try my best to spring for a suite or connecting rooms. On a recent visit to San Luis Obispo, for example, we booked a two-room suite at the Hotel SLO, and Sage claimed the foldout. Even though her bed was in the main room, she loved having the autonomy of a spot that was all hers. The rest of us shared the king bed in the bedroom.
4. Write down the day’s schedule for all to see
Most neurodivergent kids thrive on routine. Obviously, when you’re traveling, that’s hard to accomplish. Many of these kids seem to do better with changes if you give them a comprehensive sense of what to expect. Put differently, it’s helpful to spell out for neurodivergent kiddos the daily agenda every morning.
In our family, we use a notebook-sized whiteboard. I use dry-erase markers to write the basic schedule for the day and estimated times for each item on the list. If Sage seems anxious, I’ll be more specific, breaking the day into 30-minute increments. If she seems to be in a good place, I might fudge things a bit and set aside a two-hour chunk for “lunch and window-shopping.” Sometimes I’ll even list travel times, though when we’re traveling to busy places such as Los Angeles or New York, that can create more problems than it solves.
Most trips, I place the schedule in a visible spot, such as the kitchen (if we’re staying in a vacation rental) or the bathroom (in hotels), and I make a point of reading it to all three kids. I encourage them to refer to it if they have questions about the day. Generally, I don’t take the whiteboard with us; instead, I’ll photograph it so I have it on my phone if Sage or one of her sisters asks to refer to it.
5. Line up reinforcements
When you’re traveling with neurodivergent kids, there’s no shame in asking loved ones for help—especially when you’re a single parent as I am. I always try to book our family’s travel so it overlaps at least some of the time with my parents, just in case I need backup. Over the past two summers, this strategy has proven invaluable—and it has saved two potentially vacation-busting moments.
The most recent save came on our two-week road trip to Southern California. When loud music and unfamiliar lunch food (no rice, bean, and cheese burritos) triggered a meltdown for Sage at SeaWorld San Diego, my father, aka Grampy, took her out of the park and back toward where we were staying for a more palatable lunch and an afternoon of thrifting.
Grampy came to the rescue last summer, too. On a family trip to New York, Sage couldn’t handle the throng of people waiting to get in to see Hamilton, so she and my father went to a much quieter art exhibit, and my mother saw the show in Sage’s place. (The two of them met the four of us for dinner afterward.)
It’s worth noting that reinforcements don’t have to be family members. Over the years, my autistic child has found great comfort in improvising with family friends. Because she’s 15 and we use the Life360 app for location tracking, in certain situations I’ve been comfortable letting her and our family friends go off and do their own thing, provided they agree to regular check-ins.
6. Have an emergency plan
Even if an environment seems perfectly calm and palatable, parents of neurodivergent kids must always be ready for a meltdown or dysregulation. If a meltdown is imminent, it pays to know where the nearest sensory room or other quiet space might be. If your child is prone to “elope,” or run off without warning, you need to be ready for that, too.
The best way to protect against elopement is to devise what some autism experts refer to as a “wandering plan.” This is essentially a sequence of steps to prevent your autistic child from wandering off. While individual steps on wandering plans can differ by family, most plans contain some of the same precautions. One constant: Lock all doors. Another: Be sure your neurodivergent child is wearing or carrying emergency contact information, either on a bracelet or in a phone.
Some families go so far as to get their neurodivergent child an Autism Passport. This document can help autistic individuals or people with other neurodivergent conditions communicate their needs to travel providers such as airline gate agents, hotel front-desk representatives, and even guest-services workers at attractions. The Autism Passport from a nonprofit named Autism Double-Checked enables parents to get specific about their child’s unique needs in up to 16 categories. The best part? The document is dynamic, so once you fill it out initially, you can update it as your child’s needs change over time.
Sage meets Shrek at Universal Studios.
Photo by Matt Villano
7. Go with the flow
Perhaps the most important thing to consider when traveling with a neurodivergent child: Nothing can be set in stone. Inevitably, your child won’t want to take a particular tour or visit a specific site. When you’re traveling with a neurodivergent kid, it’s important to take each day one hour at a time. Even if you’ve prepaid for activities, even if bailing on a particular activity means you’ll lose money, even if you may need to pass up your one chance to see a show or attraction you’ve been waiting for years to see—it’s imperative to listen to your kid and adjust.
It has taken me nearly a decade to learn this. When we lived in London in 2013, I needed four visits to the Natural History Museum to visit all the relics and artifacts I wanted to see. On a trip to Las Vegas in 2019, it took one interminable rotation on the High Roller observation wheel to find out Sage is afraid of heights (she spent the entire time cowering in her mother’s lap). More recently, in the spring of 2023, Sage and I had to leave a much-anticipated Maggie Rogers concert after five songs because my daughter had a sensory overload.
I don’t see any of these experiences as disappointments. Instead, I see them as opportunities for everyone in our family to grow. At the end of the day, growth is what travel is all about.
This story was originally published on July 7, 2023. It was updated on December 2, 2024, with new information.
For more stories about traveling on the spectrum, visit afar.com/magazine/accessible-travel.
