6 Safety Tips My Husband and I Learned Road-Tripping Across the U.S. as a Gay Couple

While the U.S. presidential candidates barnstormed through swing states in 2024, my husband and I—a gay couple based in Oklahoma City—crisscrossed America on a campaign of our own. Planning to spend more time in my home state of New Hampshire, we listed our house on Airbnb and hit the road for six months. From the farthest reaches of northern Maine to Arizona’s Sonoran Desert, from big cities to small towns across the political spectrum, we covered a lot of turf during a time when LGBTQ people have been facing increasing homophobic and transphobic rhetoric.

We were on our guard. But we carried on—and picked up some valuable tips for LGBTQ travelers along the way. Some communities were more welcoming than we predicted. But there were times when we received glares for holding hands and when we questioned our safety. I subsequently spoke to several owners of LGBTQ tour groups and companies who have amassed their own wisdom. Here are some tips for how LGBTQ people can travel safely right now, which can serve travelers who are staying stateside as well as those going further afield.

Photos courtesy of The Gay Lane

Use queer travel resources

Everywhere Is Queer is an app that lists thousands of queer-owned businesses (as well as gender-neutral bathrooms) in every U.S. state on an interactive map. Travel Gay (a sister brand to Out of Office) is another robust website: “You’ll find the largest list of gay-friendly hotels on the planet, covering destinations ranging from Alaska to Zagreb,” says Jaike Rowe, head of travel at LGBTQ travel company Out of Office. Directly inspired by our travels, my husband and I launched our own travel brand, The Gay Lane, celebrating queer culture in unexpected places through domestic and international LGBTQ travel guides and stories.

Reach out to queer organizations

As part of the pre-trip planning process, contacting queer-owned businesses and organizations directly can offer valuable insight. Charlie Sprinkman, founder of Everywhere Is Queer, recommends asking about cultural climates or allied eateries. Similarly, visiting queer-owned businesses is a great way to connect with the local community. Some of our favorite recent finds are Latinx- and queer-owned Galieria Mitotera in Tucson, Mona Lisa Restaurant in New Orleans, and Jersey Scoops, an ice cream shop owned by husbands and dairy farmers Thomas and Cody Nicholson Stratton in California’s Humboldt County.

Pay attention and trust your instincts

More so than ever, it’s important to stay alert while traveling, especially in unfamiliar cities, states, and countries. “If you’re traveling to a gay mecca like Puerto Vallarta or Sitges, you’re unlikely to have any problems,” explains Rowe. “If you’re traveling to a less gay-friendly destination, you can still have a great experience. You just have to keep your wits about you.” That means looking out for each other, staying together as much as possible, and erring on the side of caution. If you get a gut feeling from a restaurant, grocery store, or other business, this is one instance where it’s OK to judge a book by its cover.

Photo by Lia Garcia

Join like-minded tour groups

When in doubt, there’s safety in numbers. “We find that small-group travel is a great way to travel as an LGBTQ individual, as it means that you have a guide to help navigate different cultures,” explains Steph Noble, global connections officer of travel company G Adventures. Even if we’re not partaking in a fully guided trip, my husband and I like to join group activities in different cities, such as Pride-themed Louisville Food Tours and D.C. Pride Walks. We also like to visit destinations specifically for queer events, such as Diversity Weekends in Eureka Springs, Arkansas, and Dallas’ annual Black Tie Dinner, among the largest LGTBQ fundraising events in the country.

Be prepared for passport issues

In the U.S., where gender-affirming passports have been scrapped, Rowe iterates that some LGBTQ travelers will need to carry identification that corresponds to their birth sex. “We’re working closely with our LGBTQ clients in the U.S. to navigate the increasingly complex policies at the border,” he says of international travel. “We’ve actually seen an increasing number of LGBTQ Americans wanting an excuse to travel and spend time out of the country.”

Remember that some places can surprise you

Before embarking, we were wary of unfamiliar red-state communities, such as Paducah, Kentucky, and Harpers Ferry, West Virginia. It turns out, these were some of our favorite stops—so much so that we drove out of our way to return to Harpers Ferry and snagged West Virginia–shaped Pride stickers from Bolivar Bread Bakery. We even attended Queer Bourbon Week in Kentucky. While mindful of our safety at all stops, we were pleasantly surprised by many welcomes we received, and weren’t dissuaded by fear.

That can be a tough balancing act for queer people nowadays, especially those in the trans community, but it was an important lesson for us. Always carry your street smarts, but don’t forget a touch of cautious optimism for yourselves and other LGBTQ travelers looking to hit the road.