In a secluded meadow high in the Crazy Mountains of central Montana, just north of Bozeman, four couples sit silently in the grass. The view is a worthy reward for the strenuous hike it took to reach this perch. Jagged, snow-capped peaks serrate the blue horizon, and a lush valley stretches out below. But the scenery isn’t what holds their attention. These backpackers are on a four-day relationship retreat, and their current assignment is deceptively simple: Hold each other’s gaze for two uninterrupted minutes. Eyes locked, they squirm uncomfortably, suppressing laughter or blinking away involuntary tears. With no distractions beyond the rustle of wind through grass and trees, they grapple with the surprising vulnerability of staring directly into their partner’s eyes.
“It felt super awkward at first. We were like, ‘Oh wow, this is intense,’” explains a woman using the alias Sophie for privacy. She attended the retreat hosted by Open Routes Adventures with her then fiancé, who goes by the name Luke in this article. (The pair later eloped at Glacier National Park.) Cringe factor aside, they felt instantly closer after completing the eye-gazing exercise. “It was interesting to see what nonverbal communication can do as far as facilitating connection,” Sophie says.
It may be a departure from the traditional counseling model, but eye gazing in the mountains isn’t as unorthodox as it seems. All across the United States, from Moab, Utah, to Washington’s San Juan Islands, an increasing number of therapists is joining forces with outdoor guides to bring clients out of the therapist’s office and into the wild. By blending therapeutic frameworks with outdoor adventures like hiking, camping, rafting, and climbing, these retreats harness the passive mental health benefits of nature immersion, including decreased risk of depression, lower anxiety levels, and improved mental focus and happiness. Natural environments can also set the scene for deeper connection and reflection, taking couples away from their routines, distractions, and smartphones.
“I really wanted to invite people to an area that creates some natural wonder, natural relaxation, but also sometimes stress,” explains Blair Hensen, a licensed clinical professional counselor and the owner of Open Routes Adventures, who now offers relationship retreats in Yellowstone National Park in partnership with Breakwater Expeditions (a two- or three-night trip costs $2,500 to $3,500 per couple). “Any time we’re doing something new and doing something hard, there are opportunities for us to support one another and also maybe find some of the holes in our relationship.”
Many of Hensen’s clients join her retreats before taking their next milestone step, be it deciding to get engaged or married or have children. After a day of hiking and setting up camp, she guides the couples to explore sensitive topics like finances, decision-making, and sex. Using conversation-starter cards and role-play exercises, they learn new skills for communication, connection, emotional support, and repair.
Other couples hope the experience will help them get back on track. Former Marine Ray Singson and his wife, Alison, were struggling to prioritize time together when they came across Veterans in the Wild, a nonprofit offering marriage expeditions to military veterans and their partners.
“I’ve always felt sure that we love each other, but I also wanted an opportunity to really feel like we were still in love as well,” explains Ray. The pair left their four children in the care of grandparents and joined the retreat in Washington’s Olympic National Park. “Being out in the wild and not having those distractions really afforded us that opportunity to connect on an emotional and very raw level,” he says.
Their four-day itinerary combined hikes, outdoor skills like fire-building, guided discussions around the campfire, and relationship-enrichment exercises based on the Gottman Method, a couples-therapy approach that focuses on improving communication, managing conflict, and fostering intimacy and shared meaning. It’s a recipe that Brandon Harding, executive director of Veterans in the Wild, believes can supercharge intimacy thanks to the blend of novelty, awe, and “type-two fun”—activities that are strenuous and challenging in the moment but create a sense of achievement and satisfaction once completed. “You could spend six months going to a weekly session and making some improvements or consolidate it down to four days on this trip,” he says. “It comes back to the trust that has to be developed. That will happen in the wild in a way that it won’t in the office.”
According to Jessica Goodman, a therapist who works with Veterans in the Wild, the relationship between movement in nature and emotional healing is well established. In the 1980s, psychologist Francine Shapiro was walking in a park when she noticed her anxious thoughts became subdued as her eyes moved rhythmically from side to side in a process known as bilateral stimulation. Shapiro, who died in 2019, evolved her chance realization into EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), now one of the world’s most effective trauma treatments. “Walking and talking is excellent because we’re already emotionally regulated,” Goodman adds.
As Alison recalls, “Something about moving together through the woods while we were going through these conversations just had a whole different feeling to it.” As their retreat drew to a close, the Singsons felt a much deeper connection to their mountainous surroundings; to their group, who affirmed and comforted one another by opening up about their own relationship peaks and valleys; and to each other. Hiking side by side through a remote part of Olympic National Park had helped them open up more easily, revitalizing their bond.
One night, around a crackling campfire, the group’s conversation explored the parallels between a strenuous hike and a marriage. “It all requires work, right?” says Ray. “Every path has its ups and downs; no trail is linear. You need to earn those views, and you can’t get to the top of a mountain without climbing first.”
